Hello, beautiful souls. As I continue my recovery journey from explant surgery, I’ve been revisiting past experiences that have shaped my understanding of health and well-being. Today, I want to share a particularly tough memory from 14 years ago, during my pregnancy, which highlights the challenges of navigating medical care and personal grief simultaneously.

Struggling with Synthesis Pubis Dysfunction

During my pregnancy, I experienced severe synthesis pubis dysfunction (SPD)—a condition that was, at the time, not widely recognized or understood by many healthcare professionals. The pain was intense and debilitating; it felt as if I’d been kicked in the pelvis, a comparison only imaginable because of a childhood memory of seeing someone who had actually endured such an injury.

The discomfort was so severe that walking became a near-impossible task. Desperate for relief, I turned to pregnancy massages, which provided some respite for my sciatica and helped manage the hip pain that plagued me.

Navigating Pregnancy with Compounded Challenges

As my due date approached, my mobility issues intensified. I resorted to using an office chair with wheels to navigate around my house, scooting myself backwards to avoid putting pressure on my pelvis. The situation was far from ideal, especially as I faced the stairs in our townhouse. Every movement was a monumental effort, supported only by my son’s father and my own resolve.

Adding to my physical struggles was the emotional burden of losing my mother—who was actually my grandmother and primary caregiver—when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant. Amidst dealing with severe physical pain, I was tasked with arranging her funeral, closing her accounts, and handling her final affairs, all while working full-time and managing a household.

A Harsh Reality in the Doctor’s Office

One of the most painful memories of that time was a visit to the doctor’s office. Nearing delivery, I arrived in a wheelchair due to my inability to walk without excruciating pain. The treatment I received from one of the doctors was shockingly insensitive. She chastised me for using the wheelchair, accusing me of risking blood clots and demanding that I walk. Her lack of empathy and understanding was not only hurtful but also dismissive of the real pain I was experiencing.

Medical Gaslighting and Its Lasting Impact

This experience was a clear case of medical gaslighting, where my symptoms and pain were downplayed and attributed to an overreaction on my part. It’s a stark reminder of how important it is to advocate for oneself, even when faced with healthcare professionals whose egos or lack of knowledge may hinder their ability to provide the care needed.

Healing and Moving Forward

Sharing this story is part of my healing process. By releasing these memories, I aim to let go of the pain and trauma that have lingered in my mind and body. Recovery is not just about the physical; it’s deeply entwined with our mental and emotional health. As I heal from my surgery, I am also healing from the scars of past experiences.

A Call for Empathy and Understanding in Healthcare

My story is a reminder of the need for more empathy and understanding in healthcare, particularly towards pregnant women and those with less recognized conditions. It’s a call to all medical professionals to listen and to all patients to advocate fiercely for the care they deserve.

Thank you for allowing me to share this part of my journey. Here’s to healing, understanding, and a future where no one has to endure what I went through.

With hope and resilience,
🌸